Poking The Bear

“42 SWF/BBW; 6 kids; unemployed/self-employed; Likes: NASCAR, Beer, partying, eating out or in. Dislikes: kids (lol), readin, work, cleaning, vegitarians (or even vegitables). You: Must be athletic, 21-40, not bald, make $100k/year, NO KIDS (that is a deal-breaker!)”

I had to admit I was repulsed at first but then intrigued. Who was this minx that was so brazen to hang out all her flaws for all to see and yet demand satisfaction? What type of woman could be so bold in her honesty and expect Prince Charming to arrive on his steed to court her? And what kind of man answers that add? Is there some submissive Adonis out there who feels the need to do penance for his sins? And what sins could be so great to seek such torture in redemption?

I stared intently at the pudgy face straining the borders of her profile picture for a hint of that cold will or exotic insanity that would allow for such conceit, but could see none. Only the cheery mirth of blissful ignorance. And in that I saw the level of my own self-loathing…my inability to actually say what I wanted to the anonymous mass of women I courted through the ether. For she could do what I could not.

Few man dare to be as brazen and live to tell the tale. Those knaves are accorded the most visceral of scorn and relegated to the ranks of the “no fat chicks” crowd, or the likes of the “nude silhouetted mud flap” clan. The majority of us would never dare to make any demands of our quarry for fear of being shot down ere notch left bow.

But for all that bravado, there was one chink in the armor…the “NO KIDS” clause. Deal-breaker indeed, as that afforded the view into the soul of this creature that her porcine eyes would not. This was no willful vixen of trailer parks, but a fraud and a charlatan. This woman was not seeking true love and willing to risk the disdain of the male population on the dating sites, but simply at her wits end. The rot of her desperation permeated the façade of confidence and belied the demon within. This she devil was not seeking a mate, but a paycheck and a respite from her vile issue.

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