Did I Mention I Hate Subarus?

I fucking do. I really, really do. And it’s so dumb to hate them, as, ironically, I hate them in a way you only hate animate objects. Just  for trying to ascribe human emotion to inanimate objects. “Made out of love”…No! They’re not made out of fucking love! They’re made out of “steel…and brawn”. And they fuck shit up just like any other combustion engine vehicle does. “Made out of love”…so I guess I don’t hate the car but the advertising/marketing fuckwad who pumped that shit down our throats. And “the universe will just take care of it”…GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I hate it so much. And they just keep plugging this. Who buys that shit anyway?! I can see buying an economical, decent car for all the right reasons, but buying a Subaru because of those fucking commercials is no better than the middle-aged guy buying a Ferrari because he’s 50, bald and has a little dick. In fact, it’s worse…you have no excuse other than you fell for some smarmy bullshit an ad exec thought of while he was snorting prescription cocaine of a 10-year-old Thai boys ass. If there was a god of love he would squash every Subaru in a pile of cupid shit in an instant and those commercials would go back to the same old bullshit about mpg and reliability.

And the santimonious cunts they put in those commercials. The gall. They all have that Namaste, yoga glazed, I’m more at one with that same fucking world you live in look on their smug faces. I’d like to gutshot them, dump them in their ample storage areas and bury them alive like Joe Pesci in Casino…still breating up dust. I know, it’s wrong to allow so much hate to cloud your judgement, and I know these are just actors, but god did they cast them well. I’d bet they all drive Subies…fucking pseudo-hippie, elitist scum. These are the fucktards that conservative republicans equate the liberal elite with. Even if I were given a free Subaru, I could drive it. I’d have to take the winnings in the form of a check, and you know they screw you on that deal as well.

To be fair, I drive a Jeep. And yes, I’ve gotten caught up in the Jeep wave, but I didn’t know about that until after I had bought my third Jeep…honestly! I had two Cherokees and finally bought a Wrangler because I had always wanted a ragtop. I love Jeeps and have had great luck with them. I’ve never paid more than $7K and they’ve never left me stranded. Add to it, they’ve gotten me where I needed to go in the worst weather without getting stuck. So I’m a fan and always will be for those reasons. But I didn’t know about the wave. And I didn’t know the rules. Apparently on those who own Wranglers do or can receive the wave. Yes, I got caught up in that fucking game too. “WTF are you lookin at in your Liberty/Laredo/Cherokee/Commander?! I’m not fucking waving at you, asshole!” Only we privileged few who have removable roofs can wave at each other. So I do the wave, though I’m thinking of changing it to the finger.

Oh yeah, did I mention I hate Subaru even more since the beginning of this tirade? Just checkin.


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