Aimee Mann on Marc Maron WTF
Listened to WTF today where Marc interviewed Aimee Mann (you know, pretty, thin, voice carries), and was not necessarily surprised by her charm and intellect, but by some of her background. I did not know, for example, that when she was 3 her mother left her father to run off to Europe with a married man and his kids. She lived with them for 9 months but eventually ended up back with her dad. She discusses some very personal impacts that had on her life and while interesting on its own, it made me think of my kids and myself.
My ex ran off and left me with three kids who were 9, 5 and 4 at the time, but she did take the 4 year old for few months. He’s had the most issues that I can tell to date and they are 14, 11 and 10 now. I’ve had them on my own for six years and they seem like pretty well-adjusted kids. I can only imagine what kind of hell they would have gone through if they’d ended up with her, being a miserable person herself. I remember the night she left with my youngest very well. She said she was just going up to her now husband’s house to decompress after she dropped the bomb on me that she didn’t want to be married anymore after ten years (13 together). I almost walked through the cuckhold door on that one, but luckily the kids saved me. They thought they were all going with her, but my two oldest broke into tears and begged not to go. My youngest was too young to know the difference, but he hated being without them. That memory of them sitting on the couch in tears and me crawling through the mist of my own misery to hear them is very vivid now, and this interview brought all that back.
Additionally, it brought back some issues I’ve always had with my real dad dying when I was 2. In a way, I was also abandoned by him, though dying is a pretty good reason compared to simple selfishness. He has always been martyred to me and held in a heroic light, which I’m sure he would not want, according to my mom. My two step-dads are great guys who did the best they could, but they could never compete with that image of my dead dad.
The one thing that bothered me about both Marc and Aimee is that they had the attitude of just “let it go” with regard to that shit, and yet they both blame their issues on those events. Neither have kids themselves, and I keep going back to this theory that having them is a developmental stage in adulthood, and those that don’t, don’t ever resolve those issues with their parents; cases in point. And I’m not ready to give up blaming my ex for walking out. This idea that Aimee brought up about “hey, life is short” is bullshit. It’s YOLO and it’s a crap philosophy. Sure, life is short and you need to do what’s right for you, but, in my opinion, not at the expense of others. I’m not saying my ex should have stayed, I’m saying she should have never married or had kids. Once you do, you have a responsibility. People who don’t have or never have kids simply don’t get that.